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Guntur Ashram: 25.12.2000
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Nanna was seated in his armchair in the middle room of Guntur ashram. Around 10-12 devotees surrounded him listening to his nectarine words. Saying that one must see only Radha in each and every infinitesimal element of nature and only he does so is a Mahatma; Nanna explained the tattwa of Mother's all pervading nature.
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'Nanna, however much I try; I am unable to feel the presence of Mother. On the contrary I am being tortured between materialistic and spiritual matters.' A devotee said.
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It does not matter. Rest assured that how far you may be drawn by materialistic matters and how much they envelope you, it will not affect you in the long run. Both of them will leave you. Once you have Mother with you, there is no possibility for anything else to remain. Gradual everything will fade away. Owing to the impression of our previous birth, there will be some delay.
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'Nanna, sometimes I get serious doubts which go to such an extent that I am unsure whether this path is correct or not.'
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Tell me your doubts.
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Am I on the right path.?
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Yes, you are on the right path. Don't be influenced by materialistic factors. They will not come near you. Even if they do, She will drive them away. You must believe in just one line 'Mother is with me.' That's all. Don't ever leave that thought.
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That bhava is not remaining for long.
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Gradually it will remain for a longer duration. You are not habituated to it right now. Don't worry that the bhava is not continuous. Even if t wavers for a moment, it will come back. That is enough. Just think 'I belong to Mother'. That is enough. Live with the bhava that you belong to Mother.
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For the last two days I did not have that bhava within me. I have to be true to myself. I was telling Mother 'You are not present within me'. That feeling was so intense. Then suddenly Mr.Rajagopalachari arrived. The satsang with him re-established the contact.'
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Who brought Rajagopalachari?
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'He came on his own for some work.'
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He did not come on his own. He can't do so. Mother brought him here. She brought him to set you right. Everything comes only through Radha. He did not come b chance but because She brought him. Why did She bring him? Because you are not all right. After he came, She made you quite alright.
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'Yes Nanna.'
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Then why did you say that is not present? Even if you forget Her for some reason, She will not forget you. You are holding Her, She is holding you. It is not possible for you to hold Her. So you must think 'Mother I belong to you.' That's enough. From that very moment, She will hold you because you belong to Her. Remember this always that She is holding you and is with you. She will never forget you. So don't harbor such doubts hereafter. She has not left you. That is final.
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Is there any other sadhana to feel the presence of Mother?'
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It's not necessary. You will feel Her presence gradually. Take my case. I actually felt that She is with me. It is a fact. She is with you also.
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Ah Nanna, you are so kind towards human beings. If the devotee shows even a slight incrimination towards Radha rasa, you motivate them. You encourage them saying 'don't worry if the bhava that Mother is with you is not continuous.' You lovingly propel them forward saying that from the very moment they feel that they belong to Her, She is with them. You cite our own example and guide us every moment.
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When I went to Nanna the next morning, he was speaking about the secrets of sadhana. He spoke about the sadhana to be adopted for blissful waves of Radhaji to touch us and how inexplicable wonderful that blissful state would be!
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'Yatho vacho nivartanthe aprapya manasa saha'.
This is the answer given by Vedas. That 'swaroopa' cannot be understood either by words or thought. You are working from within. The 'I' cannot be seen from outside. That's the whole problem. Nobody can do it. Even the Vedas could not describe this bliss. Neither mind nor word can describe it.
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A small child asks you what love is. How can you describe love? It is indescribable; it is ineffable. It's the same here also. Even when you experience the waves of bliss from the beginning, you can't describe them. As you proceed, you will get springs of these blissful waves. As a result of it, you weep sometimes.
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Speaking about the divine tattwa of love, which is beyond words and thought, he explained how his life transformed into sadhana. |
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I ran away into Naimisa forest for silence and not to be disturbed by anybody. I spent several days there. That is the secret. Sadhana is a great secret. I must get away from these people and live alone with my Divine Mother. The bliss of tapas is so powerful!
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Nanna discussed the topic of 'I'.
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The aura is everywhere but the 'I' is not here.
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'What happens to the 'I' after we shed this body?'
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You cannot define the status of 'I'. The Vedas also say that neither words nor thoughts can describe this. The Vedas went further to give a negative description because they could not give a positive description. Neti - not this and not that. Then what is it? Now you can understand the Vedas.
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'Mamaivamso jeevaloke jeeva Netibhoota sanatana'
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Lord Krishna said that all human beings are an inherent part of him (amsa). At one time, man was as powerful as the complete God. Man, who is a part of God, came into this body with five sense organs. Thinking that he is the body, he developed oneness with body and fell. Nanna highlighted the greatness of the soul that did not attain body consciousness. Even the Vedas could not completely describe that the inner consciousness (atma swaroop) is I. By reminding us about the elevated state of man in the past, Nanna is indicating that we must try to regain that state some day.
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'Then who is suffering this illness and sorrow?'
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Ego is that which misidentifies with the body, mind and soul. That is suffering and enjoying too. The enjoyment is sorrow; suffering is also sorrow!
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I buried my own son aged six years and went to the town hall directly from the burial ground to give a speech. No one could even suspect that I was coming directly from the burial ground. Only when they were touching my feet I told them not to touch me as I came from the burial ground.
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I never felt sorry to tell you this. That state of mind is very peculiar. Even if the whole world is destroyed, you don't feel sorry. Even if your family were to perish, you don't feel sorry. Once this link is broken, nothing matters anymore. You allow yourself to go away from the body. Body consciousness is absent.
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These words show Nanna's passiveness towards the world and oneness with Mother. Though his son died, he performed the last rites and gave a lecture in town hall the same day. The topic for that day was 'Sthitapragya' (stoicism). Ah, only Nanna has the eligibility and authority to speak on this topic. Delinked from body consciousness he says that state is peculiar. He proved that though the entire family or even the whole world perishes, it would not touch the inner self.
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Suddenly he shifted the topic to superimposition of Radha bhava.
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The king of snakes promised me that none of his species would harm us. Let me tell you about this incident. When I was working in S Kota, daily morning I would share my coffee with the snake. The snake would drink the coffee from the bowl and leave. One day someone killed the snake. It came near me in the form of a small girl and said 'When I had no food, you gave me coffee daily. As long as you live, we will not harm you. This is my boon.'
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Nanna was talking for about three hours. Anjani amma brought a sweater for him but found that he was very warm. 'When he is a state of bhava, his body is very warm. But we are feeling cold.' Nanna's face was glowing.
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'Nanna, did Radharani talk to you?'
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Why do you ask like that?
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'You appear so.'
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Unknowingly I weep that there is a delay in my serving Her. That bhava touched me.
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'This is also one way of serving Her.'
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That's why I am calm. I am feeling very upset. That is direct service and this is indirect service. How can both be the same?
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We don't have any enemies. One lady made false allegations against me and filed a case in court. She created a false will that her mother transferred this property (ashram) in her name. She stated that I cheated them. Normally the accused is made to stand in the witness box. When the judge saw me, he ordered for a chair and asked me to be seated. When he asked me what I intended to do, I told the judge that I had nothing to say. I would not defend myself. He can do whatever needs to be done. The case was dismissed in my favour. Later, I called the lady, gave her a saree and Rs 5000. You must be able to see Radha even in such a lady. I am seeing only Mother even in such a lady.
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'You were able to achieve this. But how about people like us?'
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Give me a rupee. I will add one rupee and send it.
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I didn't understand what he said. I was trying to clarify how we can see Mother in everyone.
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You must see only Mother. I called that lady home, respected her and gave her food and money. She could not believe it. She even asked whether they were for her or someone else. I said that they were for her only and she must use it. She began to cry.
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Slowly I understood Nanna's words. He saw Radha even in those persons who harmed him. He loved them and helped them when they were in need. When I asked him how we could do so, he told to send one rupee. He would add a rupee and send it. He is saying that though it is not possible, we must try to see only Mother everywhere. If we wholeheartedly attempt to do so, he will accept this, complete the efforts and deliver to Mother. Ah how intense is our Radhasakhi's love. Radhe Radhe Nanna.
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'Nanna, if we can't see Mother in such people who hate us and harm us, does it mean that we did not attain single pointed concentration?'
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Yes. Send me one rupee, send me five rupees, that's enough.
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'Nanna, if we can't see Mother in such persons, don't we have single pointed devotion?'
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You either hate someone or love someone; no third feeling is possible. If you don't have love, it means you hate. Send a rupee or five rupees. You will not give that rupee unless you have bhava. Why can't you give them? Will you not give your sister" Why different rules for each of them. You must contribute something.
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Nanna is saying that if our people make mistakes, we ignore the mistakes, as we love them. If some who we dislike makes even a small mistake, we magnify it. That is why he said why we follow different rules for sister and others. Just as you forgive your sister for her mistakes, you must do the same with others also. As you do so, gradually, you may not be able to lo love everybody but you will not hate anybody. Nanna is telling us that if we do at least a little sadhana, he will support us and make us move towards Mother. Once he said 'Mother's kingdom is filled with love. There is no other bhava except love. How it is possible to go there if you are among hatred. If you have even a little hatred towards someone, you cannot go near Mother. If you feel 'I want Mother' you must ensure that you don't hate anyone. Nanna said that is only either love or hate. If you don't hate, a feeling of love toward everyone will unknowingly develop within us. This is enough for him to accept us. This may be his idea when he said 'you give me a rupee. I will send it along with mine.'
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Recently one girl came and abused Mother in front of me. I did not react. I did not even ask why she is scolding like that.
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'Why Nanna?'
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I don't know. Mother does not like that. Even if you utter a harsh word in your heart, She does not like.
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'It is very difficult, Nanna,'
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I saw Mother in a snake. Everyday I would call out 'Mother'. The snake would come out of the pit, drink the coffee I give and go back. One day a snake charmer brought a snake. I put some milk in the vessel. The snake drank that milk. I felt like weeping. There is no one in the world to offer milk to the poor creature.
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'Nanna, if this attitude continues, will the enemity in the other person disappear?'
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It will definitely disappear. We are seeing Mother who is the embodiment of hladini sakthi. If that power of ecstasy glances once, everything is transformed. Just one glance! What did She do in the Maha Rasa? Did She touch? No, She just glanced. The numerous gopikas lost their sense of desire. Krishna is so attractive. Yet they did not have any feeling towards him.
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Once Lalitha sakhi stopped Krishna and refused him entry into Nikunj. He piteously wept. Mother pleaded with the sakhi to let him enter but Lalitha sakhi did not agree. Mother held her chin and again pleaded with her. Only then, sakhi allowed Krishna to enter. This actually happened in Nikunj.
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'Yes Nanna. We saw this in ashtayami leelas.'
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That is single pointed devotion. Sriranga (a devotee) wept that she wanted two bodies. I too had tears in my eyes that day.
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Describing the incident of Ravali amma's sketch, Nanna said:
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Suppose we feel that the eyes have not come properly, Mother will wait for the right time. Then She will give you the thought. She will also send someone to you. While he is doing that work, She will enter within him and make him do that work. She is an artist and a singer.
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Mother was born 5000 years ago. When we asked for Her picture of the present, She gave us exactly what She was then. Such greatness cannot be found in this world. I was sitting here and the artist was on the other side. She told us to close our eyes for ten minutes. Suddenly we saw a light. The artist said that he would now draw the picture!
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'Nanna, we must be with the artist in Jaipur while making the idol.'
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O.K. It must be like this.
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He closed his eyes and relaxed for some time. The he woke up saying
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I can hear divine music.
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'Nanna, you hummed the tune just now but we don't know the name of that tune. Can you sing once more.?'
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Nobody else but me can hear that music. It is so soothing.the music is great. It has no beginning or end. It is not a song; it has no meaning.
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Somebody wished Nanna 'Radhe Radhe' but he could not recognize that person.
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You may not believe. I am forgetting them (people); it is Mother's order that I must forget everybody. Unless we forget the, there is no enlightenment. These connections should cease, then that connection with mother will be established. This is an intermediate state. Forget everything. I am forgetting even small things. Mother is wiping them from my brain. Once they are wiped from memory, I forget all of them. I think She will wipe these and grant those!
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Sometime Nanna would be so immersed in bhava and enjoying the bliss of rasa that he would not recollect even those who he is well acquainted. We used to feel sad that he did not recognize us. It is natural that the Radhasakhi's worldly impressions are wiped off. Yet he came on earth to uplift the human beings and forcibly maintained the link with the world. He listened to our problems, gave advice and gradually turned our inner conscience towards Mother.
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