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Brindavan dham, 6.10.2000
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Our devout Nanna was seated in his chair while we all (Anjani amma, Sekhar, Rishi garu, myself and a few others) sat near him. That day, he spoke about the various significant events in his life.
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In 1948, we were travelling from Minumaluru to Paderu (in Andhrapradesh) in a palequin at 11 p.m. There was a 100 feet deep valley on side of the road and a huge wall on the other side. The collector issued orders to arrest anyone who trespasses that road after 10 p.m. I had to complete my official inspection in these two areas and rush to Vijayanagar to be in time for my spiritual lecture.
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I had a darshan of Goddess kanakadurga as a nine year old girl. She granted me Shadakshari mahamantra deeksha (the six lettered mantra) and explained the greatness of this mantra.
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Soon after, I did penance in Naimisa forest to attain Radhaji's darshan ....
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'Nanna, you said that you achieved detachment in that penance, you felt that you were moving into your inner depths.'
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Yes, the journey of inwardness! I experienced that I was moving deep within me
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'When did the incident of the tiger take place?'
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When I was travelling from Minumaluru to Paderu that night, there were no lights. They lit fire to one end of a bamboo stick and used it as a light. One person was walking in front followed by palanquin and few persons carrying luggage. Suddenly, they put the palanquin down and climbed up the hill because they smelt a tiger. I was all alone in the forest at 11 p.m in pitch darkness. Immediately, Goddess kanakadurga granted me Mother's mantra. I contemplated on Durga as well as Radhaji. That was my experience
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'Did the tiger leave?'
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They told me that it left.
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'You were not aware because you were in dhyana!'
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I closed my eyes for dhyana. I had the bhava that Mother is near me only .. Another incident occurred in Guntur when a dead person became alive!
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'Nanna, you finally settled down in Brindavan after all these incidents took place. In Brindavan, Mother was constantly with you, conversing with you. Your inner spiritual living . '
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In Naimisa forest, a divine yogi, Sachidananda swami preached that Mother is formless. He taught me about formless bhajan. I was totally convinced. We did not have any arrangement for food. We ate fruits and slept on leaves. Within two hours, somebody brought food for 10 people in a truck. Swamiji said, 'I did not know that this food would come. Mother arranged this food because she knows that we are in the forest 'then I accepted deeksha from him as I developed complete faith in Mother. Mother displays Her leelas and enhances our devotion through Her leelas. That is Her way! She shows some leelas, we gain confidence in Her and our devotion increases. In this way a leela ... bhakti increases!
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In 1924, I was studying M.A in Calcutta, I felt like visiting Sri Ramakrishna Parmahamsa's ashram. They worship Goddess Kali, She is Mother too! I went at 10 a.m. along with another student. I was waiting for the doors to be opened and have her darshan. I felt hungry after two hours. I had money but there were no hotels where food would be available. At that time, Rani Rasamani Devi, who constructed the temple came there personally with some offerings to the Goddess. The doors were opened. They follow the practice of offering first to Mother and then to a Brahmin. Somebody asked me whether I am a Brahmin. When I said 'Yes', they served me all the savouries offered to Mother. How strange that the lady came exactly at that time! That is Mother's grace! She knew that I was hungry and nothing was available to eat. She arranged Rani Rasamani's arrival. With this incident, I gained the confidence that Mother is always with us.
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She enhances our devotion through leelas. That is the rule. She shows a leela and draws us towards Her. She draws our heart towards Her.
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'Nanna, when did she bring you to the stage of complete inner spiritual living?'
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That stage will come later. First you must consistently attain the state when you firmly feel that 'Mother is with me only'
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I experienced some unique incidents. But they all followed by Deeksha (vow)
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Nanna emphasized the significance of 1948 in his life and narrated the above incidents. We heard that he received Sri Radha Shadakshari mantra from Goddess kanaka durga in 1954 and Ashtakshari mantra from Radha Devi herself in 1959. Speaking about the tiger incident of 1948, Nanna told 'She gave me mantra then and there. I thought of both - this Mother and that Mother (Radhaji and Kanaka Durga) What does then and there mean? Nanna only knows what happened that day! In 1924, while he was studying M.A in Calcutta, he met sachindananda swami, in Naimisi forest. Speaking of the food which arrived in a truck, he said 'I attained Deeksha that time' It appears that he attained deeksha directly from Radhaji. While mentioning about the incident of house owner's death in Guntur, he said that the unique incident followed his deeksha. That means, he might have received deeksha of the all pervading sovereign even before Sri Radha Shadakshari and Sri Radha Ashtakshari deeksha.
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My brother lived in Anantapur. He arranged a job for me as a high school teacher. I discontinued by M.A. and took up the job. Later, I completed my studies through correspondence course. I considered my Job as Mother's grace. I developed the faith that even if we don't pass the exam, even if we don't have the eligibility, she will give us everything. She will serve us even if we don't have the plate to accept! I understood this principle thoroughly. While I was in Anantapur, some of us went to Hubli to meet Siddha roodha swami. He is my Guru. Among 5-6 of us, he granted Sivapanchakshari mantra to me only.
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There is no link with demi gods. They are like divine incarnations. They possess some unique divine powers. They give us those powers!
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I was deputed for training in Rajamundry. After my training, I was appointed as a teacher in Hindu high school in Vijayawada.
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I don't remember the exact date when I revived the house owner's son when he died
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'Did you touch him?'
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I placed my hand on his heart, without my knowledge, I had the blessings of kanaka durga
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'Did you do Dhyana on Radha Devi?'
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No. Then Kanaka Durga gave me Radha Mantra. That is how she is my Guru and Mother is my God. This happened 70 years back. I don't recollect the dates correctly. That was a leela! She gave him life. My faith was reaffirmed.
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'Nanna, Did you worship Krishna before you worshipped RadhaRani with one pointed devotion?'
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No. I listened to the lectures of Radhasami in DayalBagh. He gave me Deeksha.
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'Was it related to Radha Devi?'
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Not at all. Only the name Radha was the same. The letters 'Radha' was the only Deeksha.
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'Nanna, didn't you worship Krishna at any time?'
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Not particularly. I visited Pandaripur once.
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'I heard that while you were speaking about Krishna in Madras, he showered butter on you.'
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Not Krishna, that was by Vishnu and Shiva. In that meeting, some atheists questioned me about the existence of God and I proved the divine presence to them. That incident was published in Newspapers.
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'Nanna, Is it true that innumerable unique powers will automatically be attained when a devotee reaches the state when he does incessant Radha Dhyana and She alone is his life?'
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My Guru taught me two principles - to remain in inwardness continuously and maintain the feeling non-stop that Mother is with me.
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'.. Then such a yogi will attain super natural powers even without asking . '
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Yes, I attained such powers. I could cure people through these powers. When others were informed, they came to see me. Radhaji also came here. Purushottamdasji said 'You are a confidential sakhi of Radhaji'.
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Nanna mentioned the incidents how Mother asked him to apply scent to Her, how she asked him to adorn Her (Mujhe alankar karo), how he was seen as half man - half woman in a devotee's house (Susheela akka) in Vijayawada and finally Anjani amma's vision in Ravali.
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Since then, my life became a psychic life to a great extent. I became a man and woman together. Now isn't that psychic?
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'Nanna, you composed many songs and poems on Mother in some bhava of love for Her. Was that the stage when you still did not reach the depth?'
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Didn't Tyagaraja compose songs on Rama ?
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'He reached the depth of devotion and then composed songs'
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I also reached the depth of devotion that time. I wept for some songs. In one song, I slept midway. She came near me when I was in that state. She showed this incident in somebody's vision.
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'Nanna, you told once that when you are in deep bhava, you cannot think of anything. You will not be able to express your bhava in the form of a song or words which are linked to Prakriti'
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He will not be able to speak when he is in that bhava. He will be weeping, that's all. I was in such a state when Ramesh Baba came to see me.
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60-70 years back, a tribal girl, Barsani was unconscious when she was bit by scorpion. I just touched her and her unbearable pain was gone! I was amazed. I attained some super natural powers by that time.
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Nanna spoke about how he could cure the persons suffering from problems due to astral effects with his touch.
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'Nanna, you mentioned that you have another ashram in other worlds. Do you have regular contact with them?'
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I have contact with some of them. I remember Swarnamukhi and Shyamakali.
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'Nanna, In this world, People will feel something inside but are different outwardly. Does the same happen in that world also?'
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Yes
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'Is it so? Are there different internally and externally?'
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Yes, everybody starting from Brahma Deva is like that
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He asked about Subala, a spirit whom he uplifted. Suddenly he asked
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Was the incident of giving me betel leaf in Tirupati mentioned in the book - Rasayogi?
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'I shall check up. I included the incident in our book'
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Nanna spoke about the incident when the Brahmin couple in kotipalli treated him as their son and fed him food.
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My life is so wonderful!
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'Nanna, Subbannaya (a devotee) was roaming in the forests for Gopala ..'
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For me only.
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'For you?'
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Yes, he would call me Nanna.
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'How? What did you do?'
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A strange incident happened. He will tell you about it. I am hungry now ..
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We have seen that Nanna's words 'My life is so wonderful' are indeed true in every incident of his divine life. We heard how Mother showered Her grace on him at every step of his professional life. Among all his leelas, the incident of reviving the life of the dead person in Guntur is the most extraordinary one. Even while saying about such a great incident, he put Mother before him and remained behind Her. He gave so many lectures on Bhagawata and Bhagawad Gita. But when I asked whether he worshipped Krishna, he replied 'No'. That means, his inner sight always saw and worshipped only the formless, all pervading tattwa of the Sovereign Mother.
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He concealed all the innumerable powers he possessed and simply said 'Yes, I also attained these powers'. Purushottam das ji revealed that Nanna is the Radhasakhi in the form of a man. This vision was also seen by a devotee in Vijayawada. 'From then onwards, my life became psychic to a great extent'. He possessed the nature of a little girl within and had the appearance of a man. That is why he said "I am two in one" Though he spoke to us, listened to our problems and consoled us, he is the sakhi who was inwardly in incessant Radha Dhyana; always immersed in Radha Bhava and the bliss of Rasa. What penance did we do to attain a place at his divine feet?
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14.10.2000
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Nanna was behaving like a little child, refusing to take medicine.
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I must take medicine only at 1 p.m. I will ask you.
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'Nanna, during lunch ...'
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Okay, give me the syrup. I will drink it now.
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'You must take homeo medicine after 1 hour.'
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I won't
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'Why?'
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My wish
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We all laughed at this conversation. Suddenly Nanna said:
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The Bhagawata said 'Uddharedathmanathmanam' each one must uplift himself, there is nobody else.
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'Then what will the doctor do?'
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There is no doctor
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'What are these medicines for?'
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He will prescribe what he feels like
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'But you took three doses of medicine and became better'
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Who said so? I also took some other medicine
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'Homeopills'
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In addition to these both, the third is my will.
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'We shall remove these medicines. Why don't you give Mantra?'
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That is what Mother told me to do and I did. That is the secret. I was waiting for you to say that.
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'RadhaRani gave you mantra one night.'
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Good. That is Her will, so she gave mantra.
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In this conversation of fun and jest, we could see a glimpse of Radhasakhi. Saying 'the third is my will, she told me and I took mantra that is the real secret, he revealed how mother is shining in every moment of his life. Though he seems to be taking medicines, Radhaji only gives him the actual medicine. In 2003, Nanna stopped eating since 3 months. When Anjani Amma asked him about food, he said 'Who provided food to Sita in Lanka?' The Gods did! My Mother is providing me Rasa' it is a fact that Radhaji took care of Nanna each and every moment.
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Nanna, who spoke like a child till then, reverted to this original grave tone. A person came near him and asked about Dhyana yoga. However he did not want to accept Radha Mantra.
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Name, mantra and soul - all three are same. When you take mantra, you reach your soul. This is the first stage. Beyond this, you find paramathma. For you, all are the same. That is why, Krishna said 'Mamaivamso jeeva loke jeeva bhootassanatana' Amsa means part of him. Jeevathma is part of paramathma. You cannot separate paramathma from jeevathma; you should not separate mantra from jeevathma.They are all linked to each other. You refused to take mantra. I don't know who your deity is, that deity also must be part of your dhyana. When you refused mantra, how can I give you dhyana? Dhyana is not separate from your deity. Both are linked. Your deity must grant darshan. She will not come unless I call Her. She will come only when the person who gave mantra invokes Her. Since you refused mantra, I cannot invoke Her. Any mantra without deity is not effective. The power is in Mother only. You can think about it and come tomorrow.
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Another person who accompanied him listened to Nanna with attention. Nanna addressed him and said.
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I will give you mantra. Radha is your deity. She will come automatically when you do mantra for some time. You will become blessed. I will teach you Dhyana. The important point in Dhyana is the all pervading consciousness of Radha who is filled in all the worlds. Radha is infinite and unlimited conscious form. Your mantra is linked with Her. Along with the mantra, you will also go near Her.That is the secret. You must do mantra with the bhava that 'My Mother is with me always, she will never be away from me' after sometime, you will have some great experiences. Finally, you will have Mother's darshan.
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Be in the bhava that Mother is with me. She is not away from me. I am not away from Her' that is real dhyana yoga. My dhyana yoga is formless, not on form. Athma is formless. Paramathma is formless and Radhaji is formless. Hence, I am giving you the formless. Along with formless bhava, do mantra with the bhava that 'Mother is with me, she will never be away from me' then it becomes Dhyana. You will do mantra in your mind. Your bhava is also in your mind. So do mantra with incessant, infinite paramathma bhava. 'The bhava of supreme soul is immersed in me. I cannot live even one moment without Mother' Do mantra with this bhava. That only is Dhyana.
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Between the sentences ' Do mantra with this bhava' and 'that only is dhyana' a hissing voice uttering 'Radhe Radhe' can be clearly heard. As there was no gap between Nanna's words, this voice was heard simultaneously with Nanna's voice.
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Well! Is it the same Nanna who behaved like a little child refused to take medicines and who gave such an extraordinary talk on Sri Radha Mantra and Dhyana. No wonder he said on one occasion. 'I am a small boy and the same time, I am a king!' In addition to these two, the attribute of Her Hladini powers is exhibited occasionally. Nanna granted us the fortune of seeing such a unique combination in him.
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Radhaji is Radhaji. The others are others! Even the highest Rasika mahatma cannot become Radha.
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Radha Bhava is infinite and endless. It is present in various aspects. Each one is unified with one aspect.
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'Can we call it Radha Bhava?'
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'Did Chaitanya attain Radha Bhava?'
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Partially. Then he must become Radha atleast partially. He must show all his sakhis. Mother's sakhis must become his sakhis.
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'Did Hitaharivamasaji attain Radha Bhava?'
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No.
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'Not even Hitavamsaji! But he is supposed to be Mother's flute.'
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Even though he is Her flute, he did not attain that bhava. He only stated this fact clearly.
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'Did he say so?'
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He stated that Mother should not even be known as Sakthi. He did not agree.
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'That means Mahatmas can only obtain any one of Her aspects'
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Yes, that is right. You may call them Radha, nothing wrong. But they must not become egoistic.
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'Nanna, this is so difficult to understand.'
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Chaitanya became a devotee. Did Krishna become Chaitanya's devotee?
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'You are asking whether Krishna became Chaitanya's devotee?'
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Krishna is Radha's devotee. If chaitanya was in Radha bhava, did Krishna prostrate before him?
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'How do we know? He may have experienced it.'
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If he had that experience, it must be mentioned in scriptures. Otherwise, we will not accept.
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'I don't know'
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There are seven colors within white color. But each color is individually not white. It is a part of white but it is not white. That's all.
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Even Rasika mahatmas like chaitanya mahaprabhu and Hitaharivamsaji became unified with one aspect of Radhaji. They are not Radha. Some people believe that Chaitanya is an incarnation of Radha but Nanna says that if he is Radha, Krishna would prostrate before him. This must be mentioned in the scriptures. Though seven colors are present in white, each color is not white. With finality, he said 'That's all'
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'Nanna, did gopikas attain Krishna bhava in their one pointed devotion towards him?'
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Some books mention that they did and some mention that they did not.
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'We follow Bhagawata. Does it mention that gopikas attained Krishna bhava?'
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'No. The commentaries mentioned in some other books mention that they did'
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Nanna clearly stated that it is very very difficult for even the highest devotees to attain Krishna bhava and Radha bhava. We are indeed fortunate to be in the presence of Nanna who was constantly in the state of such an unattainable Radha bhava. This fortune is indeed unparalleled.
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Etti sadhanalaina nilachuna nee eduta
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Vechi untino sakhi needu nitya seva korakai
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Sakhi! No sadhana can hold before you. I am waiting for the opportunity to serve you.
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