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29.06.01, Brindavan Ashram
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Nanna was consoling a lady devotee and we all sat near him silently. She was weeping for her lost son.
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I don't ask for anything. Mother gives me everything. Once I asked her, 'When will you take me back near you?' She said 'There are some tasks for you to do. You cannot come near me now'. My desire is to conduct Dhyana yoga, celebrate Mother's functions and publish books about her. Recently, an officer in Railway department visited me and said 'I came specially for your darshan. I am the head of this Railway division. Do you need any assistance from our department?' 'The trains from South halt only for 3 minutes in Mathura railway station. This causes inconvenience to our devotees. Can it be increased to 5 minutes ?' 'No problem. It shall be done. Any other service?' 'A.P.Express does not halt in Mathura. Is it possible to introduce a halt?' 'Done' As simple as that! Is this my effort? Will he listen if I tell him something? An invisible force is working behind us. That force encompassed the whole world. Mother asked me to tell you about this ...(incident)
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That is why, I said don't worry. He is not yet born again. He is yet to take the next birth. Do not be sad. Consider me as your son. Take me near you, my Mother
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Nanna voice was choked. She cried 'Nanna, Nanna.'
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'I want to see Mother.'
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You cannot live, if you see Her
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'That is Her wish'
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You must understand my heart. You must listen to a song I wrote ...
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Nanna called Anjani amma and said
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She must understand my heart. She is like my Mother .. Sing the last song which I composed.
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Anjani Amma said 'Mother heard this song'
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Well, She must listen to my song again while I am watching her.
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As we sang the song 'Na prana pranama ..' Nanna commented on some lines.
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Mother descended on earth from the sky as a two year old girl. The Vedas proclaim
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'Krishnena Aradhyathethi Radha'
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Krishna constantly worships Radha. She became Radha because of his worship. Nobody gave her that name.
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For any leela, Mother first beckons Krishna. 'This leela is good. Enact it for me' Then Krishna develops the leela and enacts it for her. There is not a single leela which Krishna developed on his own. Every leela emerged from Radhaji only.
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Mother is very fond of roses. Whenever you have the darshan of roses, it indicates Mother's presence. I am her rose. This song projects my heart. My heart sings this song every moment. My heart is a flower. You have come near me. Mother told me who you are. Nagamani came here like this only. She wept loudly when she saw me the first time. You came here weeping for another reason. Well, Weeping is there. Neither She, I or anybody knows why she wept.
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Weeping is an indication of divine association through tears of joy. It is already decided where your son's cosmic body will go. Mother told me that he has not yet left, he will leave soon. We can't say if something will change later. This is how the world moves. We have no link with this world. Two months back, I asked Mother when she would take me near her. She said, there is still time. We must serve Mother in three ways - Dhyana yoga, books and celebrating her functions.
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You came here because you are in grief and sorrow about your son. Mother instructed me. That is why; I spoke to you with an open heart. So many calamities come our way but no object belongs to you or me. Truly, whose is this body? How long can you keep this physical body?
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'Nanna, I know this body will not last for a long time'
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Yes. You must realize that neither you nor your husband's life will last for long. It is short lived. Everything moves according to Mother's orders. A great poet Prasadaraya kulapathi garu wrote
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'Lekhyamu kani velguna vineelamu kala chitsakhya
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Manassutho ma nayanajalamu mundara nilvagoredan'
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I have only one desire. You are the great power. You will leave. I know that. Mother, Please do not leave us. Remain before our eyes.
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When Anjani Amma reminded Nanna that he must give mantra to Jyothigaru's husband, she said 'Nanna, I forgot everything after seeing you. I came here with such a heavy heart. I am relieved now.'
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We have seen several instances where people come to Nanna with some problems and find solace in his presence. When Nanna spoke about a lady in Kavali, he said 'She lost her only son and became bedridden with sorrow. I went there and spoke to her in a state of total bhava - Why are you crying? Getup. I am your son. She got up and prepared something for me to eat. He became the son of so many mothers and gave peace to their heart. We have seen yet another mother today who said 'I forgot everything after seeing you!'
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Nanna spoke about printing the volumes of Brindavaneswari Radha Devi.
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I will provide the money. We must print copies of all eight volumes. Don't distribute the books to everybody who asks, they must be given only to those who read them. Since the first four volumes are already printed once, you can read them thoroughly, make necessary corrections and print them as second edition.
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While I was trying to say that printing volumes 5-8 is more important than reprinting volumes 1-4, considering the money available, Nanna said:
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I will arrange the money for printing the books. The contents of volumes 3 & 4 are very important. We must have all the eight volumes ready for Mother's function. I will buy some almirahs to store these books.
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'Nanna, you told me to write on Sakhi tattwa. I wrote about 150 pages .'
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Let us concentrate on eight volumes now. I want to read this. First, complete these 8 volumes and later we shall start other books. Reading the volumes 1-8 is like having a full fledged meal. People are astonished that 8 volumes are being printed. Let us not disturb the flow until 8 volumes are ready.
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'Nanna, the draft matter for 7th and 8th volumes is ready. You must listen and make corrections.'
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I will listen to 100 pages a day and complete both the volumes in this week .. Maybe we can print 'Radha Paratattwa' as the 9th volume!
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'Nanna that book stresses on Gopi bhava, sakhi bhava is not mentioned anywhere. No changes were made even in the reprinted volume.'
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Let us print the eight volumes. My idea is to place the books before Mother on the occasion of her idol installation. Her idol is ready; here books will be ready... Her function will be celebrated grandly. Let everybody see the 8 volumes.
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The next morning, Nanna again spoke to the lady who lost her son.
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On Charan darshan day, Nagamani was sleeping in our ashram in Brindavan. When she woke up at 1 a.m. she saw two tiny feet from my heart. Mother is in our heart. We need not go anywhere.
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She sang some devotional songs while Nanna listened to her.
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'The eighth volume does not include many leelas. It emphasizes mostly on her tattwa. You wanted the book in that way!'
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Does it cover the whole of Mother's tattwa?
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'Ah! What a question? Nanna, you only said that even if we write millions of pages, it is not possible to say that we covered her tattwa in totality. It is so vast and endless. Even, Brahma could not explain about her ....'
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Then how can we write when no others could? Let us stop
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'Nanna, I said we wrote whatever we could; we are not claiming it is complete .. '
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Let us see. Let me listen first.
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'Oh Nanna, you seem to be attainable but again become unattainable.'
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Nanna gave a charming smile.
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I don't know what activities she will assign to me after I go near her.
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'Nanna, you said that Mother would grant you special powers ...'
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Yes, she will certainly give me more powers.
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'Nanna, can we also come with you ?'
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Not now, after sometime.
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'What should we do till that time?'
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I will chalk out a programme for you . I will tell Mother about you all when she is in a light mood. She will certainly accept.
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'Nanna, Let us know what we must do.'
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First, let the program be finalized. She may assign a dance drama. Then, will all of you get ready?
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'Nanna, while writing the chapter on her dance leela, we actually felt her presence. It was as if a powerful energy enveloped the whole place'
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Okay, include that matter in one of the volumes.
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While we were translating Rasika sant Dhruvadasji's 'Nritya Leela' (dance leela), Sekhar and I felt Mother's presence strongly. We informed Nanna about this when we went to Brindavan. He asked us where the incident took place. Sekhar said that while we were writing in my house, we experienced immense joy by her presence. Nanna listened and remained silent. The next morning he called us and said 'In the higher dham, they read 'Brindavaneswari Radha Devi' and felt very happy. It is true that Mother came while you were writing Nritya leela' We are indeed blessed. That chapter is included in the 6th volume of the book.
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While talking about Dhruvadasji, Sekhar said 'Nanna, Mother used to grant her darshan while strolled in the gardens. He could not express the incident in the form of a poem. Then Mother placed the left foot on his head ..'
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Yes, then only he began to write poetry about her . what happened when you wrote Natya leela?
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'The whole place seemed powerful. At the same time, we both felt very happy. Both were present'
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Yes
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Anjani amma began Sankeertan and the whole atmosphere became serene and filled with sweetness.
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Nanna's loving desire was to complete the eight volumes of Brindavaneswari Radha Devi before Sri Radha's Idol installation ceremony. We don't know how many devotees will find solace in at her divine feet in future. That is why; he was determined to save the fortune of Rasa for posterity. Nanna, who declared that his heart is always singing the last song which he composed, strives continuously for the upliftment of human beings.
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Saying that 'Brindavaneswari Radha Devi' will be printed in eight volumes, Nanna mentioned about the 9th volume. He was thinking about whether Radha Paratattwa could form the 9th volume. On another occasion, he said that if the matter is more, It can always be accommodated in the 9th volume. Recently Anjani amma also said why the book should be restricted only to 8 volumes. Why not write another 8 volumes? Well! We don't know what Nanna's intention is, he can do anything!
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Koraga ledu kanchana manulanu
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Kalalonainanu gani
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Parama madhuramagu premanosangumu
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Parama dayanidhi Radha
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Oh! Benevolent Radha ! Even in my dreams, I never desired for Materialistic wealth. Please grant me your extremely sweet love.
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